22 January 2009

i can never win

I feel like a loser at life. i'm almost 27 and i have nothing to show for it. i feel like i keep getting screwed over all the time. i go to school, it gets me nowhere. i go again, same thing. my resume has gaps all over the place and no cohesiveness. i suck. i'll be unemployed in two weeks with no job prospects anywhere in the los angeles area. my relationship is done. i need a new place to live but can't afford to move so i'm thinking i'll be back at my parents' house by march. i really just want to kill people and break things. i'm extremely angry and think it's completely unfair that i'm in this situation while i see a lot of people my age excelling and being successful- in general, at life. where did i go wrong? what am i supposed to do? who will give me a chance? i'm so stressed that i woke up this morning feeling like my shoulders and neck were inflated like balloons. i also have had this middle back pain that is not helping the stress pain now engulfing my shoulders. i'm at the end of my rope. i don't know what to do anymore. i don't know where to go...what job to look for, nothing. i feel completely hopeless. i also feel like this has been the recurring theme the last few years. i just can't win.