22 January 2009

i can never win

I feel like a loser at life. i'm almost 27 and i have nothing to show for it. i feel like i keep getting screwed over all the time. i go to school, it gets me nowhere. i go again, same thing. my resume has gaps all over the place and no cohesiveness. i suck. i'll be unemployed in two weeks with no job prospects anywhere in the los angeles area. my relationship is done. i need a new place to live but can't afford to move so i'm thinking i'll be back at my parents' house by march. i really just want to kill people and break things. i'm extremely angry and think it's completely unfair that i'm in this situation while i see a lot of people my age excelling and being successful- in general, at life. where did i go wrong? what am i supposed to do? who will give me a chance? i'm so stressed that i woke up this morning feeling like my shoulders and neck were inflated like balloons. i also have had this middle back pain that is not helping the stress pain now engulfing my shoulders. i'm at the end of my rope. i don't know what to do anymore. i don't know where to go...what job to look for, nothing. i feel completely hopeless. i also feel like this has been the recurring theme the last few years. i just can't win.

1 comment:

vicentine said...

you -can- win.

i know it's cheesy as fuck, but i've come around to really believing that what you think, influences the going ons around you. the more you believe that something is great is coming, something really will just happen. the more you believe everything is hopeless and futile, the more nothing will happen.

it sounds so ridiculous, but, at the same time, makes sense. positivity attracts positivity.