farewell our fine feathered friend

Our dearly beloved duck Gary was slaughtered sometime yesterday by some vicious blood thirsty raccoons. We know he fought the good fight to defend Goldie, the hen. He will always be remembered for his incessant quacking at inanimate objects, various attempts to hang out on the sidewalk, and his overall love for life at AgLago. We will seek revenge on your killers, homie. Rest in peace.

money hungry bastards

you know what grinds my gears? the fact that LA is celebrating the return of Manny Ramirez for a hefty multimillion dollar deal. a deal that went back and forth, starting off with a ridiculous sum of money and finally settled at the mere price of 45million for a two year contract. how could that sum of money be so publicly discussed with out anyone feeling guilty about how ridiculous it is. roughly 12 million a year to play sports while everyone else in LA is suffering. Unemployment in LA is at an all time high, education has gone to shit and it going to face a budget cut unheard of and this dude is getting 12 mil? it just doesn't seem right. however, i did read that, supposedly, he is donating 1million (1, only 1 of 12 million?!) to the Dodger Dream Foundation. Great, more kids will have baseball fields to play in. I guess that's better than kids having nothing to do when the whole education system in LA collapses completely. how about you donate another million or two to LAUSD, Manny? Or maybe to homelessness? How about that? i'm not just trying to hate on Manny, who is loved by too many people; i'm hating on all these sports bastards that get paid too much and don't give back enough, especially during these "trying times".

no hope for LA

For anyone living in LA that happens to be reading this, what the fuck? How did Villaraigosa get re-elected? I used to live in Glendale and felt there was no hope left for Glendale politics but LA got them beat. I feel like one of the few that voted and now I have the liberty to bitch and complain about LA politics! Wonderful!

This past Tuesday was an election, supposed to be a primary but at the numbers of the votes showed that Villaraigosa won by 55% of the vote. Re-elected. I think everyone was just exhausted and tired after the whole Presidential election. The Presidential election was all over the place and in your face everywhere you went. Everyone was distracted by that; too distracted to realize that elections for Mayor of LA were coming up. There were barely any fliers in the mail, no commercials, no real signs of an upcoming primary election. The only reason why I knew was because I got my sample ballot. There was just no real opposition to Villaraigosa. Sure there were plenty of candidates running against him but none of them campaigned enough or got their shit together on time. Even the news was saying how they didn't expect voter turn out to be high at all. I think they mentioned something around maybe 10% turn out. I believe they said the voter turn out for President was 82%. What the fuck Los Angeles?! It's great to be involved and jazzed about the President but let's be real here. Is Obama going to fix this clusterfuck of a city? LA is a hot mess and now it's going to get worse with Villaraigosa back in power. Self-interested, rich, corporate bastards that work to exploit education, the working class, and anyone else that isn't going to pay them to take their pictures. It's ridiculous. Like all the signs around the neighborhood read: Obama may be President but he's not going to fix LA. It's true, LA needs some fixing and now look what happened. An opportunity for change and we blew it. No one turned out to vote. It was a joke. The polling place was dead. In fact there were barely any signs other than printed out arrows and an American flag that indicated that I had arrived at my polling place. Not even a sign on the sidewalk just in cased you missed the little fence opening on the side of the building to get in. Disappointing. At least measure E seems to not have passed and I'm hoping measure B also retains the No vote. I just don't trust them. I just have a bad feeling about the way the city is being and will be run. I fear it will get even worse before it can get better. Kinda like our economy of the U.S., ha! On that note, I'm gonna put my unemployed ass to bed.

collective laziness

I'm going crazy. I really need some motivation. Apparently my room situation, my collectively lazy faux-op, and over all MESS everywhere isn't enough?

I'm so done with everything and I just want to find a new job somewhere else. I'm dying to go back to the Bay Area but I can't bring myself to look for a job. I know I need to find solace and this isn't the place for it.

I feel like my job credentials and education aren't enough- too lackluster, worthless, spotty.

I'd really like my old self back that was motivated and active and did things and was generally happy? How did I end up this way and how am I to fix it?

Perhaps if I stop writing this nonsense I could get things done.

Other than having another "crisis" my life is pretty borrrring. I went to a rave on Saturday night which was fun and freezing. I got to see a few people I hadn't seen in ages. It was good times, definitely a little throw back to high school being at a rave and all. It was nice though because it was 21+. Lucent Dossier was definitely the best part of the night and I'd say their show is worth checking out.

there's paint all over my hands

i feel an old chapter of my life ending and a new one starting...i'm not sure where this will take me or what i'll do but i'll damned well enjoy every waking minute of it. i'm open to change and excitement..new thrills and old fun...new people and some old friends too.

part of me is itching for the wind to blow me far away.

part of me is itching for the ground to keep me here.

however, if i find the way to making me happy involves moving, i'm going...going for it...not let anything or anyone hold me back...i'm taking back myself...reclaiming what i dropped ages ago...starting anew, yes.

february is going to be a good month...and will jumpstart my ass into loving life in 2009

i can never win

I feel like a loser at life. i'm almost 27 and i have nothing to show for it. i feel like i keep getting screwed over all the time. i go to school, it gets me nowhere. i go again, same thing. my resume has gaps all over the place and no cohesiveness. i suck. i'll be unemployed in two weeks with no job prospects anywhere in the los angeles area. my relationship is done. i need a new place to live but can't afford to move so i'm thinking i'll be back at my parents' house by march. i really just want to kill people and break things. i'm extremely angry and think it's completely unfair that i'm in this situation while i see a lot of people my age excelling and being successful- in general, at life. where did i go wrong? what am i supposed to do? who will give me a chance? i'm so stressed that i woke up this morning feeling like my shoulders and neck were inflated like balloons. i also have had this middle back pain that is not helping the stress pain now engulfing my shoulders. i'm at the end of my rope. i don't know what to do anymore. i don't know where to go...what job to look for, nothing. i feel completely hopeless. i also feel like this has been the recurring theme the last few years. i just can't win.

i am so angry i can't even take it anymore

The amount of anger I have toward my job is astronomical. I'm on the verge of quitting with out having a new job lined up...I don't even care if it takes me forever to find a new one. I can't stand the idea, the thought of going to work. They lie and cheat us out of our fair pay by having the most fucked up policies. How am I supposed to be penalized for the fact that no one is shopping? NO ONE. All day I've been stewing with anger. ANGRY that I have to find a new job because I know at the end of the month I'll be told that I'm sucking and that I won't be able to stay much longer. Definitely not after February. Why should I be scammed out of my wages because the economy is shit? How can they deny that the economy is crap? How can they get away with lying to us telling us that we get 6.75% commission rates on all clothing when in fact half the stuff we sell we're getting 5%. Oh OOPS, they must have overlooked that little detail! What really angers me is that they know they're screwing people over and they don't give A DAMN.

I'm scrambling to find a new job so I can put in my two weeks and say FUCK YOU BLOOMINGDALES!!!!!!!!! The only problem is, I can't find any jobs to apply for! I feel constantly dicked over by any job I've ever held and my qualifications go unseen by the jobs I really want to get. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I just want to SCREAM!!@!$@#!@#@$

I'm at the point where I want to start a new life. A huge part of me doesn't want to bother looking for work here in Los Angeles. This could be the time for me to relocate like I've been wanting to do for 4 years now. I know enough people in major cities that I can go there and apply to jobs and see what happens. This is something I've been seriously considering within the last few weeks. It's just a hard decision to make because it involves making a bunch of choices.